“If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.”

The Obamas are getting a puppy for their new house. As Canadians who were not able to actually vote for Obama, we’re going to fulfill what we believe is our civic duty in another way: by offering some advice on the kind of pup the Obamas might want to consider welcoming to their beautiful family.

Candidate number one: A rescued stray dog

Here’s Lyndon B. Johnson with Yuki, a stray his daughter found at a gas station somewhere in Texas. They used to sing together to entertain guests at the White House, as you can see from the expression on the very entertained guest sitting on the couch – former U.S. ambassador to Little Britain, David Bruce.

First of all, if the Obamas are going to rescue a stray AND name it something Asian, high obamafive!! Not only would he score huge adorable points with animal-lovers, but also adorable yellow points from Animal-Loving-Asians, such as myself. Secondly, if he can train said stray to sing, FA LA LA!

Candidate number two: A talking dog
NO you assholes, not Sarah Palin. I mean one that can actually answer a question coherently. No dog has ever set the bar so high for First Pups as Warren Harding’s Airedale, Laddie Boy.

Here he is sitting on his throne:













On the topic of his sense of “public duty,” in regard to being photographed constantly, he said: “We of the White House…must be photographed in company with this or that delegation of distinguished individuals…It really becomes tiresome after a while, but if the public demands the pictures I suppose I will have to be patient.” Wise words from a very wise pup.

Laddie Boy understood the sacrifices and commitments a First Pup must make. In interviews he was calm and composed, and in photographs he always looked smashing. An Obamapup must be able to learn to do the same and take on his role as the First Pup with as much poise and dignity as his master.

Candidate number three: An aspiring writer dog

Millie, pictured here with the first Georgie, wrote a book and made a lot of money. What more could the Obamas ask for?

BY THE WAY, WELCOME TO ELECTRIC YELLOW